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Wednesday, September 29th, 2004
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8:58 am
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| Sunday, June 30th, 2002
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2:17 pm - Adrenaline...
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Get to the exit of the parking lot at work, on my way to pick up lunch...
About to turn left...
I see one yellow car with a huge wing fly by... Then a blue one with another huge wing... and then a low civic...
I change my mind, and turn right, flooring it... First... second... third....
For those who dont know, it's a windy road. My record and being able to keep the car in control is 55 or so. The tires squeal like nothing at that speed.
Two turn off, but I caught the attention of the last one. He speeds behind me trying to catch up...
We approach the last turn... I'm going a tad above 80... 81 or 82... and hit the last turn... Took my options, and went from the outside lane inward, to smartly make the turn a bit wider... and now I have myself a new record.
That fella couldn't keep up. His 'modified' suspension in his car couldn't, and certainlly the driver wasn't able to. He stopped next to me, and just nodded. Eh... I'm sure it woulda been more than a nod if he had won... but too bad, punk. =)
What to do... Get a new buffed up Cavalier? Or for the same price, or a bit less or more, get another car, that can perform a lot better, and perhaps get more respect?
Cars are my life. They are what give me hope in a project to continue on... They motivate me, and move me (literally 80% of the time).
Well... off to see the inspiration of my life soon as work is over... My doll...
current mood: busy
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 26th, 2002
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6:01 am - Cars and stuff...
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Well, slight delay in me getting my car... another dealership sold it to someone else instead of transporting it my way so I can finish my sale. The salesperson I am working with is pissed =)
That's all right... I can wait...
Life is good. I have my girlfriend - she's more than I'll need to survive.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, June 22nd, 2002
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3:59 pm
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More kills to come soon as I break in my new car. Imagine if I had my new one, he would have gotten his ass kicked even more so.... asshole.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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3:55 pm - Things.
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First, I must say, my girlfriend rocks. She forever improves my health, and yesterday she showed me how to save a few hundered dollars a month. She kciks ass, and I'm eternally greatful for her. Nothing beats a home-made sandwidth with cold-cuts. Nothing.
Today, for the first time, someone called my car 'shit'. There was a low, white, old, hatch-back civic on the road. His muffler was big enough for my fist to fit comfortably in. I saw him from a mile away, zoomed up to his rear, seamlessly switched lanes, and at the same time cut close to his front to grab his lane and continue down the road. I didn't cut him off, so I didn't 'anger' him.
Well, we pulled up to a light. One car infront of me, two infront of him. He throws his head out his window, and screams "Piece Of Shit Cavalier!". At that, I rev my engine moderately just to acknowlege I heard him, 3k or so rpms. Nothing more. Then I turn on the stereo, just to vibrate his poor little piece of trash a bit, and he shuts up. I notice a passenger in his car. He revs his car as high as it will allow, I'll assume 8k rpms. I hear a loud squeal under the hood. Either it was a supercharger spinning up, or it was just bad maintenance and a pulley problem. I bet a supercharger. I have well tuned ears.
So... we pull up along eachother, we're going slow. I pull down to second gear, slowly, not to let him know that he's about to get his ass kicked.
Time slows down. "Oh yeah? Watch this." is all I could think about saying. Not loud enough for him to hear. I didn't even let him see expression in my face. All he got was a blank stare. That's all that ricer deserved. I pulled to first, hit my brakes, got behind him, slammed the accelerator, went from the far left, behind him, to the right lane. Inched the gear-shift to second... maxxed.... third.... and... wow.... Hey dude, where'd you go?
He tried to follow me. But... aaw... poor kid.... he caught the red-light in his slowness...
C'ya! Nice kill.
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(comment on this)
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9:34 am - Yippee
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Yep, bought a new car... it'll be coming in soon... they didn't have it on lot, so they had to special order exactly what I want... manual transmission... new Ecotec engine... 2002 Chevy Cavalier LS Sport Coupe. Kick asss.......
I'm excited. Very excited. Be warned.
current mood:  giddy
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, June 21st, 2002
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6:27 pm - w00t w00t!
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Bought a new car! Simply put!
Kick ass....
More details to come. Stay tuned.
current mood:  ecstatic
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 20th, 2002
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11:07 am - Cars, CDs, Money...
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Blah, my laptop just made it's first coaster...
I love my car mp3 player... 180 or so songs on a single CD, kicks ass...
Gunna go to the bank, see how much money I owe on my car loan... probably wont be getting another until I pay off my current car... it sucks, but hey... Cant get everything... and if I don't wait, then I'll get screwed again, and when I want to replace that car, I'll get even further screwed... not a good idea.
Then I get to see my doll! Woohoo...
Katie is my life. She is incredible. I couldn't ever replace her.
Even though I never thought someone could replace my computer... but hey... y'know... she's THAT good. lol...
I slept for... how many hours? You do the math, from 6:30PM until 8:00AM. Yikes, that's long. Katie did interrupt for a few moments, the called me to let me know how her day went, around 11:00PM. I love it when she calls me.
My back is peeling so bad... jeez..... sun-burns suck.
I'm off... gotta... uh... get dressed.... I know, you don't want me to... but I gotta.... Then I'm out!
Ciao peeps.
current mood:  hot
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 19th, 2002
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8:50 am - Time Correction...
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Last post was posted about ten minutes ago, fixed the time error.
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(comment on this)
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5:47 am - Life is good, right?
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Set my alarm clock to wake me at 6:10 because I have to be at work at 7:00...
Wake up at 6:25 - No alarm clock. That backstabbing pos. Should have had my computer wake me up instead.... ;)
I like waking up early. Early enough that it's a bit foggy outside... misty... early enough that when you inhale, you get that interesting lively morning smell... that fills your lungs and makes you feel alive. That's my personal high.
Had an exhilarating night with Katie... went to watch a movie... dont remember what movie it was, it had Chris Rock in it, and it was kinda cool... but I wasn't paying too much attention... I dont think she was either... *grin*
She's such a toy... and then so much more than one to me.... It's great.
David Bowie. He's good at expression. Emotions. When I hear David Bowie's "Major Tom" - I hear the emotion of an astronaut crying out to his family in hope, asking mission control to tell his wife he loves her. I hear the emotion of someone who's crossed a million something miles, the accomplishment, fear, and astonishment... I hear Major Tom's feeling for being proud for his country, for the establishment that got him to where he is... Theres two emotions I get at once. Right when he says "Planet Earth is Blue and there's nothing I can do..." - It's as if he's astounded by the unreal sensation of being so far off, then frightened by the fear that he's alone and nobody can help him now, if something goes wrong. Once he realizes his fear, he comforts himself in the ship. He states that he trusts it knows which way to go. And releases his far...
And just as he tells his wife he loves her... poof... he's gone... contact is lost...
Can you imagine that... That feeling... Hopelessness... You know you're going to die... and you don't even know if mission control got the message to tell your wife... Emptiness.
I wish I could change my voice. I don't like it. Sometimes I want to change it to the singer of Offspring.... Or Nirvana... or even Bowie.
Oh well. Cant get everything.
current mood: content
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 18th, 2002
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10:39 am - Well, yet again...
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Who knows, I might use this more often. It's cool. Livejournal is a great way to publicly display my views and such, yet sometimes it can cause trouble with what I say - so I should be careful. At the same time however, it's my journal, so why should I be careful?
Life is good. My current goals? Spend less, earn more, live it up, be happy with my car, find out my priorities, make my girlfriend's life rich like the richest chocolate, be there for my friends emotionally physically and financially, learn not to let people down, a lot... a lot more than I usually convey.
Life is good, I've got great people around me - that's the most important part. I earn enough money that I can recover anytime I screw up... I cant complain about much.
I hate memories, I don't want to list them. I hate ones that I regret what I've done, that I wish it happened different.... Because as much as I wish I could change it all - I am afraid of touching that topic, because such changes, and I wouldn't be who I am - be where I am - or have the plethora of great friends that I do have.
Music is one of the most consistent things in my life. I can engulf myself within it, it can change my attitude, mind soul... it can shape and transform me... I wish I could make it. I wish I could be the one to render amazing images, awesome sound-tracks, I wish I could write heart-tearing poetry and moving stories. I want to be creative, but I don't think I am. Naah, I'm not. I can toss together a lot of unique and semi-original ideas, but they are all always made up of pieces of what everyone else has done. Kinda makes me want to wish I never knew anything, so I could make some original things.
Technology rocks. It's always been there for me when I needed something exciting or fun to do, games to play, when I'm horny there's pr0n, I mean, what else do you need? Riiigght..... Suuure....
I'm tempted to delete all these past journal entries. A lot make me sad. But I wont, I don't want to destroy the past.
Well.... Until next time, my digital journal...
Ciao.
current mood:  blah
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, June 30th, 2001
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11:04 pm - Life... life...
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Life... it's interesting... ups and downs... I'll roll with the punches... been in and out of a few relationships... twice I was ditched... Without the girl even saying goodbye... It's alright though... I'll be fine... perhaps next time I get into a relationship I'll have her sign a legal document binding her to not to do this that or the other... I'm joking of course.
I put up with alot of shit =) It's alright though.. eventually I'll find someone that'll mesh with me well, right? Time will tell...
Until then, I'm just going to focus on my job... I got a sweet ass job at Gateway computers... starting pay is $12.65/hour... It's sweet as hell... and I get three days off a week... that way I can take like long ass vacations to Nags Head or somewhere sweet... I'm lookin into tickets for Perth Australia right now... Dying to go there... just gotta find the right person to bring along for the fun =)
Life is alright, as long as you feel alive... Life isnt worth living if you dont feel alive... I learned alot from one of my ex's... She pretty much opened me up to alot of things that I was closed-minded about.... mmm... Irish Cream... that's good stuff. Very good stuff. I'm thankful for my experiences with her, hope her the best, naturally. (Even if I did say some shitty things... I admit to many mistakes... I'm just accepting the consequences of them...)
[Paragraph removed on 6-18-02 because it contained a bunch of useless shit]
Got the car worked on majorly... I'm going to replace the engine soon... Get a paint job... it'll be a true pimping machine... ooh yeah, I've already ordered SIX 12" MTX Subs, and a HUGE amp for them... and I have a friend who's buildin me a sweet ass box... Damn you'll hear me a good bit away now!
Hmm... Oh well... boredom... take care... latas.
-J
current mood: subued happiness
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, May 26th, 2001
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2:42 pm - *big sigh*
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Well, lets see. Long time no post.
Well, people, heres my dilemma. I have this awesome friend, and this friend deserves the best treatment that any friend (me) could possible give 'em. This person is a gem in a world full of coal, and they glimmer with such light, that I think the light blinds themselves from the fact that they are a gem.
Anyhow, this person means alot to me, but for some odd reason I keep screwing up in our friendship. They keep telling me that I get angry at them too often, and I dont even see it in myself. They say that I'm too posessive, or that I am putting restrictions on them. I dont see that either.
Am I crazy? Perhaps I have some sort of disorder. I want to be the #1 person in their life, but if I am the #1 pain in their neck, then theres no way I can accomplish that. I love them so sincerly, I've never even imagined love this strong. What can I do? What do I say?
They deserve the best of the best, and I want to learn to be that. I want to learn how to be good for them, I want to learn everything about them so that I can be able to tailor to their needs. *sigh*
I'm failing.
I say the sweet things that linger on the tip of my tongue... I speak the thoughts in my mind... I am a huge gaping hole in which they can pick anything they want out of my head, because I am not holding back on them. I'm completely open.
In a single day, our friendship went from "You can have me completely, anytime you want.", to "You get mad at me too much, you were holding me back, and then you caused me alot of worry. I'm going to bed to cry now."
I feel really bad... I dont know what to do... I dont even know if they know how to advise me...
I know one thing, I am going to defenitley hold out on the 'ultimate' way of showing my undying love for 'em until the bugs are worked out somewhat, because I can already imagine the pain it would cause of being so close, then every now and then being so torn apart...
I admit that I screw up a decent amount, but I know that I do alot of good that is outstanding, even to rival the bad. I feel... like I'm rusting or something... They tend to only focus on the bad... which hurts alot, when the day consisted of some *outstandingly awesome* good, and then some bad stuff... The awesome stuff is overlooked/erased. Almost as if it had no meaning.
It can be compared to a teacher... picking out every one of your faults when you do stuff bad, but then never commending or clapping you on when you do something good...
*sigh*
I've got alot of learning to do. We have alot of tweaking to do.
I love you... you know who you are.
current mood: unsure
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, May 5th, 2001
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11:13 pm - Eh...
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Eh, I've given up on this journal until I reach another point in my life where it can be useful again...
Who needs to speak to many, when you have all the little people and the solitude in your head at once?
I'll be fine... Just set me in a comfortable chair, with a decent book to read, music to jam to, and a cat to pet... and I'll be set.
current mood: indifferent
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, April 19th, 2001
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6:46 am
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With a beauty that makes the angels jealous,
How could she love me?
With a smile that darkens the sun,
How could she smile on me?
With eyes that see the truth,
How could she gaze upon me?
With a presence that fills the air,
How could she notice me?
With a voice that beckons the moon,
How could she speak my name?
How could she?
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 18th, 2001
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11:40 pm - If I could be...
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If I could be anything
I?d be your tears
To be born on your eyes
To live on your cheek
And to die on your lips
If I could be something
I?d be your hands
To bless everything you touch
To condemn everything you strike
And to love everything you caress
If I could be nothing
I?d be your stranger
To not know who you are
To not see your face
And to not know your love
If I could be everything
I?d be your soul mate
To be reborn by your side
To live by your side
And to die by your side
current mood: ecstatic
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, April 15th, 2001
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10:35 pm - A Dreamer Is.....
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A Dreamer Is.....
A dreamer is one who dares to create
Stealing stars out of the sky and turning darkness into light
Never waiting until it is too late
But seizing the day as well as the night.
It is not possible others will bet
How does a person steal stars from the sky?
It is of course, impossible; and yet
I want to make all of the stars in the sky mine.
I want to make the earth and my dreams the same
And then my dreams would turn into reality
Standing on top of the world i'd then proclaim
Everything is mine in its totality.
A dreamer makes no plans for tomorrow,
But builds love and happiness from any sorrow.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, April 14th, 2001
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3:45 pm - Addicted or obsessed...?
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She wants to know...
Am I addicted or obsessed?
Well, give me a minute or two.
That's something I have to think about
Because what it really comes down to is you.
Yes, I spend alot of time here
But where else should I rather be?
This is where I put all of my thoughts
And pretend that you're here with me.
So, I guess maybe both answers are right,
Because I surely have other things to do.
I may be obsessed, I might be here all night,
And I'm definitely addicted to YOU.
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(comment on this)
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12:14 pm - Picture...
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Since everyone else had one, thought I'd make one that worked for me. Whatcha think?
current mood: *smiley*
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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8:25 am - Wowsers...
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Woke up, and took my car to a shop to get them to check it out. Apparently, there are so many things wrong with it, and more than half of it isnt working at all - it would cost me over $4,000 to repair. So I figure I'll just keep driving it until it dies, then get a new car. I mean, hey... it can still race pretty darn well, it just chugs along at 7.5 miles per gallon.
Heather yet again, proves herself as quite an asset in my life... Spent alot of time with her, she's so incredible. I want to be everything that will ever fulfill her dreams, and more...
I think I did fulfill one of her fantasies... but that's only the beginning. There was an interesting 'special first' for us today... Things are really going well.
Played a little trick on her today - invited her to see a play with me and a few friends. I claimed I had no clue what it was about... then when we got there and it was too late to turn back, she said "Hey, this is a Jesus thingy, isnt it?"... hehe... *smiles*
Yep yep... that was the day...
Short and sweet... She owns me.
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desolate_flux's journal